Thursday, April 16, 2009
E & C
being a safety driven transparent ethical and above board kind of mnc that it is (cough cough) , we the employees of this mnc are required to take a yearly mandatory trainings and courses on various aspects such as motor vehicale /driving /safety ( all our malaysian BUS drivers ought to take this one) and a whole list of ethic and compliance (E&C) modules in addition to "bread and butter" trainings specific to our roles. (we in the company always like to say bread and butter ).
and for E&C we not only need to do the same online training over and over again every year and sign off just to prove that we understand every little details of the do's and don'ts but on occassions the management will force us to do a proper face to face sessions. this make perfect sense because you just won't believe how sometimes people get into really deep shit just because of some seemingly innocuous comments or e-mails. the great bill gates had to pay dearly for breaching antitrust laws and he was actually nailed by one seemingly innocent line in one e-mail to his staff . it's almost like that poor old guy who was sentenced to death by stoning in the great monty python movie life of brian for just saying Jehovah.
JEWISH OFFICIAL: Matthias, son of Deuteronomy of Gath.
MATTHIAS: Do I say 'yes'?
STONE HELPER #1: Yes.
MATTHIAS: Yes.
OFFICIAL: You have been found guilty by the elders of the town of uttering the name of our Lord, and so, as a blasphemer,...
CROWD: Ooooh!
OFFICIAL: ...you are to be stoned to death.
CROWD: Ahh!
MATTHIAS: Look. I-- I'd had a lovely supper, and all I said to my wife was, 'That piece of halibut was good enough for Jehovah.'
CROWD: Oooooh!
OFFICIAL: Blasphemy! He's said it again!
and how ridiculous can one get than this. an oil company had to pay 2.2 million dollars (and that's not ringgit mind you) for sexual harassment just because some funny guy sent out an e-mail on 25 reasons why beer is better than women. despite not a drinker myself, i thought that is quite lovely but typical of women they don't find it funny. i mean if i were a woman i would just think up and reply with 25 reasons why a beer bottle is better than men and that would be the end of it but not with women. as i always know women can be very devilish and too smart for their own good. they always think about how to squeeze money out of men. 2.2 million dollars compensation for being 'offended' is a lot of jimmy choos there.
and so, i thought whoa, what is so offensive about beer that a woman get paid 2.2MM because of that. and so i googled and here it is. 25 reasons why beer is better than women.
25 REASONS WHY BEER IS BETTER THAN WOMAN
1. You can enjoy a beer all month long.
2. Beer-stains wash out easily.
3. You don't have to wine and dine a beer.
4. Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car while you play football.
5. When a beer goes flat, you toss it out.
6. Beer is never late.
7. A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
8. Hangovers go away.
9. Beer labels come off without a fight.
10. When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer.
11. Beer never has a headache.
12. After you've had a beer, the can is still worth two cents.
13. A beer won't get upset if you come home and have another beer.
14. If you pour a beer right you always get good head.
15. A beer always goes down easily.
16. You can have more than one beer in a night and not feel quilty.
17. You can share a beer with your friends.
18. You always know if you're the first one to open a beer.
19. A beer is always wet.
20. Beer doesn't demand equality.
21. You can have a beer in public.
22. A beer doesn't care what time you come home.
23. A frigid beer is a good beer.
24. You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
25. If you change beers you don't have to pay alimony
and so, we all had to undergo yearly E&C trainings to make sure that we don't make silly jokes about women and bear their wrath and the company losing millions in compensations. and yesterday i had to take the following courses:-
(i) Code of Business Conduct,
(ii) Foreign Corrupt Practices Act (FCPA),
(iii) Proper use of Company Asset,
(iv) Sarbannes Oxley (SOX)
(v)Fraud
(vi) Conflict of Interest
(vii) Safeguarding Important Information
(viii)ix) Antitrust
(ix) Diversity, Equal Opportunity and Respect at the Workplace
I think all malaysian government politicians especially umno fuckers should take this course. and the last one (ix) is especially appropriate to najib if he wants to really understand and conceptualize his "shoot from the mouth and think later" new slogan. i really don't understand this one malaysia shit. i mean how many fucking malaysia do we have all this while?. i know i'm a bit stupid but i think my terengganu friends get it right. they say they heard what najid said is actually "WANG Malaysia". if that's so, the slogan is perfectly understood by umno people. i mean it's now payback time. the time to recoup from "wang malaysia" all that has been spent during the recent election. you know , all those 'politik ONE' and all that.
and for E&C we not only need to do the same online training over and over again every year and sign off just to prove that we understand every little details of the do's and don'ts but on occassions the management will force us to do a proper face to face sessions. this make perfect sense because you just won't believe how sometimes people get into really deep shit just because of some seemingly innocuous comments or e-mails. the great bill gates had to pay dearly for breaching antitrust laws and he was actually nailed by one seemingly innocent line in one e-mail to his staff . it's almost like that poor old guy who was sentenced to death by stoning in the great monty python movie life of brian for just saying Jehovah.
JEWISH OFFICIAL: Matthias, son of Deuteronomy of Gath.
MATTHIAS: Do I say 'yes'?
STONE HELPER #1: Yes.
MATTHIAS: Yes.
OFFICIAL: You have been found guilty by the elders of the town of uttering the name of our Lord, and so, as a blasphemer,...
CROWD: Ooooh!
OFFICIAL: ...you are to be stoned to death.
CROWD: Ahh!
MATTHIAS: Look. I-- I'd had a lovely supper, and all I said to my wife was, 'That piece of halibut was good enough for Jehovah.'
CROWD: Oooooh!
OFFICIAL: Blasphemy! He's said it again!
and how ridiculous can one get than this. an oil company had to pay 2.2 million dollars (and that's not ringgit mind you) for sexual harassment just because some funny guy sent out an e-mail on 25 reasons why beer is better than women. despite not a drinker myself, i thought that is quite lovely but typical of women they don't find it funny. i mean if i were a woman i would just think up and reply with 25 reasons why a beer bottle is better than men and that would be the end of it but not with women. as i always know women can be very devilish and too smart for their own good. they always think about how to squeeze money out of men. 2.2 million dollars compensation for being 'offended' is a lot of jimmy choos there.
and so, i thought whoa, what is so offensive about beer that a woman get paid 2.2MM because of that. and so i googled and here it is. 25 reasons why beer is better than women.
25 REASONS WHY BEER IS BETTER THAN WOMAN
1. You can enjoy a beer all month long.
2. Beer-stains wash out easily.
3. You don't have to wine and dine a beer.
4. Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car while you play football.
5. When a beer goes flat, you toss it out.
6. Beer is never late.
7. A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
8. Hangovers go away.
9. Beer labels come off without a fight.
10. When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer.
11. Beer never has a headache.
12. After you've had a beer, the can is still worth two cents.
13. A beer won't get upset if you come home and have another beer.
14. If you pour a beer right you always get good head.
15. A beer always goes down easily.
16. You can have more than one beer in a night and not feel quilty.
17. You can share a beer with your friends.
18. You always know if you're the first one to open a beer.
19. A beer is always wet.
20. Beer doesn't demand equality.
21. You can have a beer in public.
22. A beer doesn't care what time you come home.
23. A frigid beer is a good beer.
24. You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
25. If you change beers you don't have to pay alimony
and so, we all had to undergo yearly E&C trainings to make sure that we don't make silly jokes about women and bear their wrath and the company losing millions in compensations. and yesterday i had to take the following courses:-
(i) Code of Business Conduct,
(ii) Foreign Corrupt Practices Act (FCPA),
(iii) Proper use of Company Asset,
(iv) Sarbannes Oxley (SOX)
(v)Fraud
(vi) Conflict of Interest
(vii) Safeguarding Important Information
(viii)ix) Antitrust
(ix) Diversity, Equal Opportunity and Respect at the Workplace
I think all malaysian government politicians especially umno fuckers should take this course. and the last one (ix) is especially appropriate to najib if he wants to really understand and conceptualize his "shoot from the mouth and think later" new slogan. i really don't understand this one malaysia shit. i mean how many fucking malaysia do we have all this while?. i know i'm a bit stupid but i think my terengganu friends get it right. they say they heard what najid said is actually "WANG Malaysia". if that's so, the slogan is perfectly understood by umno people. i mean it's now payback time. the time to recoup from "wang malaysia" all that has been spent during the recent election. you know , all those 'politik ONE' and all that.
